Barry Cryer’s Christmas Selection Box - Part 1
Radio 7 favourite Barry Cryer unpacks the first of two Christmas comedy hampers. Geoffrey Perkins and Angus Deayton lead the festive broadcast of Radio Active’s Christmas Turkey (20/12/1983 ); the audience puts a rocking-horse at the centre of the celebrations for The Masterson Inheritance Christmas Special (25/12/1993); an unexpected guest enlivens Christmas Night With Dr. Evadne Hinge And Dame Hilda Bracket (25/12/1983); the Round The Horne team presents its own unique take on Cinderella (24/12/1967); a Christmas message from a milkman begins the songs and sketches in Ronnie Barker’s Lines From My Grandfather’s Christmas Forehead (24/12/1971); and Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe and Spike Milligan encounter Ye Bandit Of Sherwood Forest in The Goon Show (28/12/1954).
Saturday, 19 th at 10am and 8pm

Barry Cryer’s Christmas Selection Box - Part 1
Barry returns on Boxing Day for second helpings. There’s plenty of festive fare during A Week Of Sundays in After Henry (22/12/1985); a family gathering is planned for Christmas Eve With The Shuttleworths (24/12/2003); amateur panto is under investigation in People Like Us (23/12/1995); the Dead Ringers mimics cast their merciless gaze over the past year (29/12/2001); Barry himself writes and stars in the Hello Cheeky panto special Cheeky Whittington and his Magic Ballpoint (25/12/1976); and in the Hancock’s Half Hour episode Bill and Father Christmas, the Lad Himself is fed up having to provide the festive entertainment (25/12/1958).
Saturday, Boxing Day at 10am and 8pm

Classic Comedy

The Men from the Ministry
Christmas Spirit
Annoyed at being left in charge of the whole department, the bumbling civil servants begin to feel that Christmas should be cancelled. But then the spirit of the season starts to take effect – in a very strange way. Richard Murdoch and Deryck Guyler star in an episode recorded for the Transcription Services in 1980. Edward Taylor wrote and produced.
Sunday, 20 th at 12pm and 7pm

The Clitheroe Kid
It’s A Gift
The cheeky schoolboy gets into all sorts of scrapes as he tries to raise the money for his mother’s Christmas present. Join Jimmy Clitheroe and friends, including Danny Ross and Tony Melody, for some festive capers from Christmas Eve 1967, written by James Casey and Frank Roscoe.
Sunday, 20 th at 12.30pm and 7.30pm

Dad’s Army
Present Arms
In a special hour long edition from Christmas Day 1974 the platoon competes – by hook or by crook - with its Eastgate rivals for the honour of guarding a VIP. Arthur Lowe, John Le Mesurier and Clive Dunn star with all the regulars. The episode was adapted by Harold Snoad and Michael Knowles from the original television scripts of David Croft and Jimmy Perry.
Monday, 21 st at 12pm and 7pm

Hancock’s Half Hour
The Christmas Club
A highly excited Hancock comes back from the pub with the Christmas Club money. But then Sid gets his hands on it. First heard in 1959, this is another wonderful episode from the great writing partnership of Ray Galton and Alan Simpson.
Wednesday, 23 rd at 8am, 12pm and 7pm

My Music
NEW TO RADIO 7
Twenty-five years to the day since its original broadcast, we are proud to present this special Christmas edition of My Music in memory of the much-missed Steve Race and Ian Wallace, both of whom passed away this year. They’re joined in this lovely Christmas special by regulars Frank Muir, Denis Norden and John Amis for more splendid musical merriment.
Wednesday, 23rd at 12.30pm and 7.30pm

The Goon Show
A Christmas Carol
Scratchit Seagoon chases Grytpype-Thynne and Moriarty to Wales in pursuit of Scrooge’s missing gold. This maddest of all Dickens remakes stars the incomparable trio of Peter Sellers, Harry Secombe and writer Spike Milligan. It was produced by John Browell and first heard on Christmas Eve, 1959.
Christmas Eve at 8am, 12pm and 7pm

I’m Sorry I’ll Read That Again
The Wonder Show Christmas Edition
Carol singers and Ebenezer Scrooge are amongst the festive favourites getting the treatment from Jo Kendall, John Cleese, Tim Brooke-Taylor, producer David Hatch and writers Graeme Garden and Bill Oddie. This episode of the satirical sketch show was originally broadcast on Christmas Day, 1969.
Christmas Eve at 12.30pm and 7.30pm

Round The Horne
It’s panto time and this year they’re doing  Cinderella. Kenneth Horne’s Baron Hardup tries to keep order when Ugly Sister Kenneth Williams wants to replace Betty Marsden in the title role. Hugh Paddick and Douglas Smith co-star in this bona festive special, first transmitted on Christmas Eve 1967 and written by Barry Took, Johnnie Mortimer and Brian Cook.
Christmas Day at 8am, 12pm and 7pm

Christmas Night with Dr. Evadne Hinge and Dame Hilda Bracket
The ladies squabble over cards and crackers as they prepare to host their Christmas party. Meanwhile, the brass band has stopped playing outside, now that the pubs are open. Dame Hilda and Dr Hinge are joined by Chris Emmett and Anthony Sharp for arch banter and seasonal song, first broadcast on Christmas Day 1983. The writer was Gerald Frow.
Christmas Day at 8.30am and 7.30pm

Crowned Hudds
NEW TO RADIO 7
Ser 1. 1/6 How Ye Quest Was Wonne
There’s VAT on Excalibur and the Knights Of The Round Table want a pay rise. Roy Hudd leads an irreverent romp through royal history with regular partners in mirth June Whitfield and Chris Emmett. The series was produced by Richard Wilson and originally heard in 1995.
Wednesday, 30 th at 12.30pm and 7.30pm

Comedy Zone
Count Arthur Strong’s Christmas Special
NEW TO RADIO 7
The rambling variety star is booked to provide the entertainment at the local old folks’ home. But there’s no harm in stopping off for a drink first, is there? Steve Delaney writes and stars in this marvellously chaotic Christmas comedy first heard on Boxing Day, 2006.
Christmas Day at 10.30am and 3.30pm

Ken Dodd’s Christmas Cracker
NEW TO RADIO 7
The King Of Comedy is highly tickled to present half an hour of tattyfilarious festive frolics. Songs, sketches and plenty of gags in Mike Craig’s production, originally broadcast on Christmas Day, 1989.
Sunday, 20 th at 11.30am and 5.30pm

Morecambe And Wise
Eric’s not impressed by Ernie’s health food routine. This terrific set of sketches by the masters of the seasonal special was compiled and produced by Bobby Jaye and first heard on Christmas Day, 1979.
Christmas Eve at 9am and 5pm

Instant Sunshine
NEW TO RADIO 7
Seasonably Together Again
Comic reflections on the origins of Christmas from the musical quartet. David Barlow, Peter Christie, Miles Kington and Alan Maryon-Davis star in this 1985 special, produced by Richard Edis.
Christmas Day at 9am and 5pm

Lines From My Grandfather’s Christmas Forehead
Ronnie Barker and company are in festive mood. But what should you do when you receive an unwanted elephant as a gift? First heard on Christmas Eve, 1971.
Christmas Day at 9.30am and 5.30pm

The Actor, the Lodgings, the Kipper and Ma
Geoffrey Wheeler recalls the heyday of the theatrical landlady, with a host of vivid and amusing tales from stars including Bruce Forsyth, Patsy Rowlands and Ted Ray. The producer was Libby Cross and the programme was originally transmitted in 2004.
Sunday, 27 th at 11.30am and 5.30pm

Songlines
NEW TO RADIO 7
Auld Lang Syne
This fascinating documentary investigates the history of the New Year standard, tracing its roots to the sixteenth century and looking at Burns as both author and archaeologist of the song. Originally broadcast on Radio Scotland in 2004.
New Year’s Day at 9am and 5pm

Cabin Pressure
NEW TO RADIO 7
Ser 1. 1/6 Abu Dhabi
A tiny charter airline is proud to boast that no job is too small. Quite a few, however, are too difficult. Stephanie Cole, Benedict Cumberbatch and Roger Allam star with writer John Finnemore in his 2008 sitcom. The producer was David Tyler.
New Year’s Day at 9.30am and 5.30pm

Comedy Club
The Now Show
NEW TO RADIO 7
Hugh Dennis, Steve Punt and colleagues take a satirical look at the week’s news and even manage to find time for a few sharp observations about the festive season. This episode was first heard on December 11 th.
Sunday, 20 th at 10.30pm

And Now In Colour
The 1990 Christmas Special sees writers and performers Tim Firth, Michael Rutger, Tim de Jongh and William Vandyck hosting a party. There’s dried haddock in the decorations and the carol singers are using a cassette player. Who could resist an invitation? The producer was Lissa Evans.
Sunday, 20 th at 11.30pm

In One Ear
A satirical swipe at the Christmas spirit from Nick Wilton, Clive Mantle and co-writer Helen Lederer in the sketch series originally broadcast live. First heard in 1984, the show was produced by Jamie Rix.
Monday, 21st at 11pm

This 1985 edition of the sketch show involves helium balloons, a Mozart spoof and a man desperate to know how to make pancakes. Arnold Brown is among the co-writers.
Monday, 28th at 11pm

Date With Fate
Ser 1. 1-2/4
The repercussions of lying are examined in these comic tales with a twist, first heard in 1996 and produced by Paul Schlesinger.
1: A Damp Fib – A surveyor’s clerk must go to absurd lengths to cover up his original lie. Charles Grey stars.
2: Along For The Ride – Impersonating a film director proves a complex business for a video shop assistant. With Michael Troughton and Stephen Critchlow.
Monday, 21 st and 28 th at 11.30pm

The Harpoon
The bumper Christmas edition of the boys’ adventure paper. Learn how to “utilise your goose” and thrill to a tale of “death or dominoes”. Alistair McGowan spoofs Empire derring-do with writers Peter Baynham and Julian Dutton. Last week I was fortunate to meet Julian Dutton who was so thrilled to know that his programmes are now aired on Radio 7.
The producer was Sarah Smith and the show was originally transmitted in 1991.
Tuesday, 22 nd at 11pm

Radio Active’s Christmas Turkey
The comical broadcasters do their best to present an entertaining season of Christmas programmes. Prepare for a new take on the uses of mistletoe and a ghost story almost as unpredictable as the Nativity play staged by the network. Geoffrey Perkins and Angus Deayton write and co-star in this 1983 episode.
Wednesday, 23 rd at 10.30pm

The Cheese Shop Presents…The Brandy Butter Factory
A gardening expert attempts to protect Christmas trees from evil spirits, while the hospital staff of ILL FM try to summon some festive cheer. Written and performed by Richard Webb, Gerard Foster, Dave Lamb, Gordon Southern, Ben Ward and Tim Verrinder. The producer was Adam Tandy and the show was first broadcast on Christmas Eve 1997.
Wednesday, 23 rd at 11pm

The Masterson Inheritance
Josie Lawrence, Paul Merton, Phelim McDermott, Jim Sweeney, Caroline Quentin and Lee Simpson improvise a family saga set in a strange village where the peculiar Christmas customs include goose tapping. The producer of this 1995 special was Phil Clarke.
Wednesday, 23 rd at 11.30pm

The Shuttleworths
Christmas Eve With The Shuttleworths
John Shuttleworth’s plans for a festive family gathering don’t seem to be going to plan, but he still finds time for a few songs. Graham Fellows writes and stars in Paul Schlesinger’s 2003 production.
Christmas Eve at 11pm

The Demon Cakestand of Beastley Chase
It’s Christmas at the Mausoleum Club and Sir Henry Wellbourne recounts the deadly story of a cursed cakestand. Shiver at the horrors of a meringue-shaped tombstone. Stephen Fry, Sheila Steafel, Ballard Berkeley (best-known as the Major in Fawlty Towers) and Michael Ripper star. Written by Ian Brown and James Hendrie, it was produced by Paul Spencer and first broadcast in 1984 .
Christmas Eve at 11.15pm

Red Dwarf - Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers
NEW TO RADIO 7
3-4/6
Chris Barrie, Rimmer in the TV series, continues his brilliantly inventive reading of Grant Naylor’s science fiction comedy masterpiece.
3: Rimmer’s preparing to cheat in his exams, whilst Lister is sent to the stasis chamber for punishment.
4: Two new presences are detected on the ship – and neither is human.
Sunday, 20 th and 27 th at 10pm

Swots
NEW TO RADIO 7
Ser 1. 1-4
Miles Jupp plays headmaster to a class of disruptive pupils (drawn from the worlds of comedy and the arts), testing their knowledge and putting up with their cheek. Written by Colin McQuaid, Michael Beck and producer Margaret Anne Docherty and first heard on Radio Scotland earlier this year.
Sunday, 27th at 11.30pm

The Atkinson People
1/4: Sir Corin Basin
One of the earliest vehicles for Rowan Atkinson’s superb comic talents was this 1979 series, which he co-wrote with Richard Curtis. In this opening episode he sends-up the theatre through the character of Sir Corin Basin, celebrating his sixtieth birthday by looking back at a decidedly improbable career. The producer, just before he shot to fame as a comedy performer, was Griff Rhys Jones.
Tuesday, 29th at 10.30pm

Desperate Fishwives
NEW TO RADIO 7
1/6
The ropey folk group Nineteen Oatcakes and a park ranger who prefers supermarkets are among the lively characters who populate this Radio Scotland sketch show, first heard in 2008.
Thursday, New Year’s Eve at 10.30pm

Hamish and Dougal Hogmanay Special
The barmy chums are invited to the Big House for the New Year celebrations. More daft banter and irresistibly awful puns from writers and performers Barry Cryer and Graeme Garden. The guest stars for this special episode include Humphrey Lyttelton and Sandi Toksvig. Produced by Jon Naismith, the show was first broadcast on New Year’s Eve 2004.
Thursday, New Year’s Eve at 11pm

7 Drama
Season’s Greetings
The festive gathering at the Bunkers’ begins with bickering, forgotten presents and Auntie Phyllis drunk in charge of the dinner. And then things take a turn for the worse…. This seasonal black comedy of romantic and emotional entanglements mixes farce and sharp wit in the classic Ayckbourn manner. Peter Vaughan and Nicky Henson star in this 1984 production by Gordon House.
Saturday, 19 th at 1pm and 1am

McLevy – Christmas Special
NEW TO RADIO 7
Brian Cox is Inspector McLevy, the hard-nosed Victorian detective. A supernatural thief is haunting the streets of Edinburgh as the city prepares for Christmas. Siobhan Redmond co-stars in Patrick Rayner’s production, written by David Ashton and first heard on Christmas Day, 2006.
Saturday, 19 th at 2.30pm

Greyfriars
NEW TO RADIO 7
Legendary police dog Greyfriars Bobby assists his master, Jock Gray, as he tackles the thieves and house breakers threatening Victorian Edinburgh. Crawford Logan and Paul Young star in Ronald Frame’s adventure written for radio and originally broadcast in 2002. The producer was David Ian Neville.
Saturday, 19 th at 4pm

Chain Gang
NEW TO RADIO 7
13/13
Our interactive series reaches its climax after three months of sinister and extraordinary twists and turns, stretching across the centuries and into ghostly alternative worlds. Acclaimed Doctor Who writer Robert Sherman pens the final episode of the story so inventively plotted by our listeners. In an episode specially recorded in front of a live audience at London’s St Pancras station, the fates of Brian and Susan will finally be revealed. Michael Imerson, Orlando James, Eloise Secker and Charlotte Worthing star. The producer is Paul Arnold.
Saturday, 19 th at 5.55pm and 11.55pm

Here for the first time is the opportunity to hear all thirteen episodes of the Chain Gang story in one omnibus edition. This special programme will also reveal the title of the series – chosen from our listeners’ submissions. And there will be a chance to hear more from our special live recording of the final episode.
Boxing Day at 5.15pm and 11.15pm

The Signalman
NEW TO RADIO 7
First heard in 1980, this is a vintage reading by Emlyn Williams of one of Dickens’s finest ghost stories. A signalman on a lonely stretch of line is haunted by strange visitations.
Sunday, 20 th at 10.15am and 9.15pm

A Christmas Carol
One of the cornerstones of a traditional Christmas is Dickens’s classic tale of greed, ghostly visitations and spiritual rebirth. Janet Whitaker’s 1990 production does full justice to this masterly, heart-warming story with a marvellous cast including Michael Gough as Scrooge, Douglas Hodge as his nephew, Timothy Bateson as Mr Fezziwig and Freddie Jones as the narrator.
Sunday, 20th at 2.30am, 1pm and 1am

Ladies Of Letters Make Mincemeat
Vera and Irene’s correspondence takes a seasonal turn to consider Christmas survival tips and a mince pie competition. Patricia Routledge and Prunella Scales star in Lou Wakefield and Carole Hayman’s 2001 series.
Monday, 21 st to Friday, Christmas Day at 11am, 9pm and 2am

A Confidential Agent
1-4/4
Liz Parker, the new assistant at the Ace Investigations Agency, is hoping for a case of her own. Rosemary Martin and Barbara Atkinson star in this 1991 series, written by Nick McCarty and produced by Philip Martin.
1/4: Poison in the Air. The aspiring private eye takes on a case behind her boss’s back.
2/4: A Husband Scorned. Liz becomes involved with a teacher who’s mislaid his wife.
3/4: Sharks Have Pearly Teeth. A case of money lending and espionage.
4/4: Fire. Was a fire at a clothing factory an accident or sabotage?
Monday, 21 st to Thursday, Christmas Eve at 11.15am, 9.15pm and 2.15am

Christmas Day At Kirkby Cottage
NEW TO RADIO 7
A young man falls in love with the daughter of his clergyman godfather during a Christmas visit. Anthony Trollope’s delightful seasonal romance stars Julia McKenzie and John Rhys-Davies with Finty Williams. The producer is Dave Arnold and the director, Philip Glassborow.
Christmas Day at 10am and 3pm

Hello Cheeky
Cheeky Whittington and his Magic Ballpoint
Knockabout ramshackle panto larks with Peggy Mount, Marti Caine, Denis King, David Jacobs, Tim Brooke-Taylor and writers Barry Cryer and John Junkin. First heard on Christmas Day 1976, this show was another Bobby Jaye production.
Christmas Day at 11.15am, 9.15pm and 2.15am

Theo
This must be one of the all-time favourite ninety-minute dramas repeated on Radio 7 and it is frequently requested. Martin Jarvis stars as a rare and valuable teddy bear who discovers he is about to be auctioned. As he awaits his fate, he looks back on the lives of his owners and many of the major events of the twentieth century. Moya O’Shea’s touching and insightful drama was produced by Tracy Neale and first transmitted in 1995.
Boxing Day at 1pm and 1am

Dickens’s Women
In this brilliant one-woman show national treasure Miriam Margolyes tells the story of Dickens’s life in the guises of the female characters in his writings. Ranging from tipsy Mrs Gamp to innocent Little Nell, via spirited Kate Nickleby and mournful Miss Havisham, this is a performance of extraordinary versatility. Co-written by Miriam Margolyes with Sonia Fraser, the show was first heard in 1991. The producer was Enyd Williams.
Sunday, 27 th at 2.30am, 1pm and 1am

Crisp And Even Brightly
Alick Rowe, who sadly died just a few months ago, created this comedy drama in which he imagines what might have gone on behind the scenes of the Good King Wenceslas legend. Is the peasant gathering winter fuel everything he seems? Timothy West stars as the King, with Bill Wallis and June Barrie. Produced by Shaun MacLoughlin, the play was originally broadcast in 1987. This is another drama which is requested every Christmas.
Sunday, 27 th at 9am and 8pm

The Hound Of The Baskervilles
NEW TO RADIO 7
1-2/2
Conan Doyle’s classic blend of thriller and supernatural horror story is a special treat for the Bank Holiday week. A spectral hound haunts the moors, threatening doom for the ancient Baskerville family. Roger Rees stars as Holmes and Crawford Logan as Watson in Bert Coules’s gripping adaptation, first heard in 1988. The producer was David Johnston.
Bank Holiday Monday and Tuesday, 29 th at 10am, 3pm and 3am

Hans Christian Andersen’s The Snow Queen
When the Snow Queen breaks a wicked troll’s magic mirror, the shards strike a young boy and turn his heart to ice. Dirk Bogarde is Hans Andersen  and Diana Rigg stars with Bill Patterson in Berlie Doherty’s adaptation of the famous fairy tale. The play was produced by Janet Whitaker and originally broadcast on Christmas Eve 1994.
Wednesday, 30 th at 10am, 3pm and 3am

The Chimes
NEW TO RADIO 7
The ringing of the New Year church bells stirs the cynical heart of eccentric messenger Trotty Veck. Published the year after A Christmas Carol, the second of Dickens’s Christmas Stories again affirms his belief in the possibility of spiritual redemption. Ron Cook stars in John Clifford’s adaptation. Produced by Gaynor MacFarlane, it was first transmitted in 2003.
New Year’s Eve at 10am, 3pm and 3am

Alpha
When a man-made computer appears to have developed a mind of its own, a representative of the world’s religions is sent to decide whether the machine should be allowed to exist. But when the priest interrogates the computer, he is disturbed to learn more about himself than he’d expected. Mike Walker’s play won the Sony Radio Academy Award for the Best Drama of 2001. The judges praised Alpha as “Impressive in its scope and originality”  and praised “a quite stunning central performance by David Calder.” Sarah Jane Holm and John Moffatt co-star in Gordon House’s production.
New Year’s Day at 10am, 3pm and 3am

After Happy Ever
NEW TO RADIO 7
1-5/5
Lynn Ferguson imagines what might have happened when the fairy tale heroines went off to live happily ever after. Directed by Mary Peate, these comic twists on the old favourites were first heard in 2004.
Monday: Rapunzel – Did she let her hair down once too often? With Geraldine James.
Tuesday: Goldilocks – Other people’s houses still prove irresistible. With Leslie Ash.
Wednesday: Snow White – The heroine feels alienated from normal people. With Lynn Ferguson.
New Year’s Eve: The Princess And The Pea – What is the best way to find happiness? With Melanie Hill.
New Year’s Day: Cinderella – It’s time to try on another pair of shoes. With Janet Brown.
Bank Holiday Monday to Friday, New Year’s Day at 11am, 9pm and 2am

Kings
Tales from the reign of King David. First heard in 2002 and produced by Jeremy Mortimer.
Monday: True Anointed by Sebastian Baczkiewicz. The story of David and Goliath. With David Calder.
Tuesday: Hazar’s Chicken by Sebastian Baczkiewicz . Chickens, spies and the perils of revenge. With Ewan Bailey.
Wednesday: The Loved One by Sebastian Baczkiewicz . Two strangers arrive at a village in search of the wise woman. With John Bennett.
New Year’s Eve: Michal, Saul’s Daughter by Kate Clanchy. King David’s wives argue about status. With Caroline Langrishe.
New Year’s Day: Abishag, the Virgin by Kate Clanchy . Bathsheba fears her murder has been foretold by a prophet. With Alison Pettitt.
Bank Holiday Monday to Friday, New Year’s Day at 11.15am, 9.15pm and 2.15am

7th Dimension
Undone
NEW TO RADIO 7
Ser 3. 4-5/6
Continuing our new commission about a journalist who moves between alternative versions of London. Alex Tregear, Duncan Wisbey and writer Ben Moor star. The producers are Colin Anderson and Lyndsay Fenner.
4: Underground
Edna realises that the growing number of coincidences she’s experiencing are being engineered by a malign source, which must be stopped before it threatens the very existence of the universe.
5: United
Compelled to visit a hypnotherapist, Edna finds herself recovering forgotten memories.
Saturday, 19 th and Saturday, Boxing Day at 6pm and Midnight

A Short History Of Gothic
NEW TO RADIO 7
2/4: Clytie by Eudora Welty
Our series presenting the fiendish range of the gothic tradition continues with this harrowing story of a put-upon woman who decides to take revenge on her bullying older sister. The reader is Barbara Barnes and the programme was produced by Gemma Jenkins.
3/4: The Lady of the House of Love by Angela Carter
A modern re-working of the Gothic tradition. The role of women in society is considered through an intense study of a female vampire’s tormented psyche. The reader is Indira Varma and Gemma Jenkins again produced.
Saturday, 19 th and Saturday, Boxing Day at 6.30pm and 00.30am

Man In His Time
2/2
Gemma Jenkins also produced this stimulating and imaginative meditation by Brian Aldiss on the nature of time. Jamie Glover stars as the sole survivor of a mission to Mars who discovers an extraordinary side effect when he returns to earth. The drama was originally broadcast in 2005.
Sunday, 20 th at 6.30pm and 00.30am

2025
1-2/2
In a world of artificial intelligence, scientists conduct experiments into human consciousness. Mona Hammond and Alphonsia Emmanuel star in Mike Walker’s series, directed by Sally Avens and first heard in 1998.
Monday 21 st and Tuesday 22 nd at 6pm and Midnight

Solaris
1-2/2
A psychologist visits a rundown space station to investigate the fate of the crew – and quickly finds himself in trouble. Tim McMullan and Ron Cook star in Stanislaw Lem’s famous study of alienation, adapted by Hattie Naylor and directed by Polly Thomas in 2007.
Wednesday, 23rd and Christmas Eve at 6pm and Midnight

A Wizard Of Earthsea
1-2/2
For some time I have been trying to clear the rights for the dramatisation of Ursula Le Guin’s magical novel A Wizard Of Earthsea  and celebrating her eightieth year  we have been given permission to broadcast this. In the ocean world of Earthsea, a young wizard inadvertently releases an evil spirit. Ursula Le Guin’s fantasy of competing magicians features an exceptional cast,led by Judi Dench, Richard Johnson and Michael Maloney. First heard on Boxing Day 1996, it was adapted by one of Radio 7’s favourite dramatists Bert Coules and produced by Janet Whitaker.
Christmas Day and Bank Holiday Monday, 28 th at 6pm and Midnight

The Phantom Of The Opera
1-4/4
Anna Massey stars in Gaston Le Roux’s classic story of love, murder and a ghostly presence at the Paris Opera House. Directed by dramatist Barnaby Edwards, this is the first radio production to include the correct operatic sequences referred to in the novel, specially recorded by artists from the ENO and Opera Diva. It is a Big Finish production.
Tuesday, 29 th to Friday, New Year’s Day at 6pm and Midnight

Ghost Stories: The Legend of Sleepy Hollow
Martin Jarvis reads Washington Irving’s tale of horror and romance in New England, set shortly after the War of Independence. Lovesick Ichabod Crane is terrified by a headless horseman. The producer was Gemma Jenkins and the series was first heard in 2005.
Tuesday, 29 th to Thursday, New Year’s Eve at 6.30pm and 00.30am

The Mortal Immortal
An alchemist’s assistant, spurned in love and tormented by jealously of a rival, drinks a potion which he thinks will cure him of his despair. Instead, he discovers that he has sampled the elixir of eternal life. But is this the blessing he at first believes it to be? Mary Shelley’s examination of man’s fascination with immortality is read by Shaun Dooley. This is another Gemma Jenkins production, broadcast originally in 2005.
Friday, New Year’s Day at 6.30pm and 00.30am

Crime And Thrillers
Rumpole Of The Bailey
1-10/13
Maurice Denham stars as John Mortimer’s legendary barrister, equipped with a small cigar and an appropriate quotation, ready to do battle with injustice – and any judge who gets in his way. First heard in 1979 and 1980, these programmes were produced by Ian Cotterell.

1/13: Rumpole and the Confession of Guilt. An immigrant is accused of wounding. With Michael Maloney.
2/13: Rumpole and the Dear Departed. Ghostly messages influence a fraud case. With Jill Balcon.
3/13: Rumpole and the Gentle Art of Blackmail. Extortion at the barrister’s old Oxford College. With Geoffrey Bayldon.
4/13: Rumpole and the Rotten Apple. The Old Bailey hack investigates police bribery. With Margot Boyd as She Who Must Be Obeyed.
5/13: Rumpole and the Man of God. The case of a light-fingered vicar. With John Savident.

6/13: Rumpole and the Defence of Guthrie Featherstone. The tale of a philandering member of chambers. With Angela Thorne.
7/13: Rumpole and the Show Folk. An actress is accused of murder. With Alec Bregonzi.
8/13: Rumpole and the Fascist Beast. Rumpole defends a racist politician. With Saeed Jaffrey.
9/13: Rumpole and the Case of Identity. Dubious alibis in court and in chambers. With David Daker.
10/13: Rumpole and the Expert Witness. A GP is charged with killing his wife. With Haydn Wood.
Monday, 21 st to Friday, Christmas Day and Bank Holiday Monday to Friday, New Year’s Day at 1pm, 8pm and 1am

The Further Adventures of Doctor Syn
1-10/10
Dr Syn, the clergyman with a secret life as a smuggler and swashbuckler, returns for more dashing adventures with highwaymen, spies and pirates. Read with great relish and atmosphere by Rufus Sewell, these episodes were first heard in 2007. Lawrence Jackson produced and directed.
Monday, 21st to Friday, Christmas Day and Bank Holiday Monday to Friday, New Year’s Day at 1.30pm, 8.30pm and 1.30am

Fact And Fiction
The Complete Caledonian Imbiber.
NEW TO RADIO 7
2/4: Let Them Drink Port
Scottish writer, broadcaster and producer Billy Kay continues to investigate Scotland’s love of strong drink. This week, he considers the place of port at the heart of Scottish history.
3/4: Bend Weel tae the Madeira
The Scottish love of Madeira and its links with the Jacobite cause.
Saturday, 19th and Saturday, Boxing Day at 9.30am and 7.30pm

My Judy Garland Life
NEW TO RADIO 7
Tamsin Grieg reads Susie Boyt’s account of her devotion to Judy Garland. Mixing impassioned celebration of her heroine with meditations on the nature of fan worship, this brightly emotional series recounts a meeting with Liza Minnelli, distinguishes between “good” and “bad” fans and recalls what happened when the author took part in a Judy Garland tribute show. Produced by Justine Willett, the series was first heard on Radio 4 last year.
Monday, 21st to Friday, Christmas Day at 2.15pm and 4.15am

‘Twas The Night Before Christmas
1-5/5
The famous festive verses are given a modern twist in five stories which share the poem’s opening and closing lines.
Monday - 1/5: It Never Happened by Arthur Matthews, read by Robert Webb. The pressures of urgent work deadlines are compounded when the boss begins to behave very strangely indeed on Christmas Eve.
Tuesday - 2/5: Gifts By Garry Kilworth, read by Joe Armstrong. On the night before Christmas, a hitch-hiker receives a profoundly affecting gift.
Wednesday - 3/5: Silver Hoof, the Goat By Carlo Gebler, read by David Kelly & Hannah R Gordon. The tale of a young orphan’s devotion to her cat spans two Christmasses.
Christmas Eve: 4/5: The Emergency Visit By Dominic Holland, read by Philip Jackson. A cynical and disillusioned A&E doctor works a Christmas Eve shift unlike any other.
Christmas Day: 5/5: Not a Word of a Lie By Philip Ardagh, read by James Fleet. Although his older brother tries to spoil Christmas for young Philip, the boy has an encounter that confirms the enchantment of the season.
Monday, 21st to Friday, Christmas Day at 2.30pm and 4.30am

MR James At Christmas
NEW TO RADIO 7
Ghost stories are always popular and frequently requested at Christmas. Derek Jacobi, as writer MR James, introduces five classic ghost stories adapted for radio by Chris Harrald and first broadcast on Christmas Eve 2007.
Mon: 1/5: Oh Whistle and I’ll Come To You My Lad. An antiquarian is disturbed by a curious artefact uncovered in the ruins of a church. With Jamie Glover.
Tue: 2/5: The Tractate Middoth. A curator is troubled by a strange visitor. With John Rowe.
Wed: 3/5: Lost Hearts. Ghostly figures appear to a lonely orphan. With James D’Arcy.
Christmas Eve: 4/5: The Rose Garden. Renovations at an old house disturb a sinister spirit. With Anton Lesser.
Christmas Day: 5/5: Number 13. A doctor regrets investigating why a hotel has no Room 13. With Julian Rhind-Tutt
Monday, 21st to Friday, Christmas Day at 2.45pm and 4.45am

David Attenborough’s Life Stories
NEW TO RADIO 7
1-9/20
David Attenborough delivers a series of talks on his natural history passions. The subjects of these opening episodes include the difficulties of filming the duck-billed platypus, the location of the largest bird’s egg in the world and an encounter with a Komodo dragon. Produced by Julian Hector, these programmes were first heard earlier this year on Radio 4.
Tuesday, 22 nd to Christmas Day and Monday, 28 th to Friday, New Year’s Day at 2pm and 4am

The Adventures Of Tintin
Ser 1. 1/6 The Black Island
Robert Pearce is Tintin, Hergé’s adventurous boy reporter. In pursuit of forgers, he arrives at the castle on this mysterious island. Andrew Sachs co-stars in Simon Eastwood’s dramatisation, produced by John Yorke for Radio 5 and first heard in 1992.
Boxing Day at 9am and 7pm.

The Willows In Winter
1-5/8
David Suchet reads William Horwood’s charming continuation of the adventures of Mole, Ratty, Badger and Toad. The story begins on a stormy winter’s night with Mole contemplating a surprise visitor: his nephew. The series was first heard in 1994.
Bank Holiday Monday to Friday, New Year’s Day at 2.30pm and 4.30pm

Children’s
CBeebies
Join all your CBeebies friends for an early breakfast of songs, rhymes and stories on Radio 7.
Daily at 5am

Big Toe Books
Kirsten O’Brien presents an hour of children’s stories every day.
Saturday and Sunday at 8am and Monday to Friday at 4pm:

Saturday, 19th and Sunday 20th
The More The Merrier by Anne Fine, read by Aidan Parsons.

Monday, 21st - Wednesday, 23rd
The Big Bazoohley by Peter Carey, read by Simon Chadwick; 101 Dalmations by Dodie Smith, read by Juliet Stevenson; and The BFG by Roald Dahl, read by Adrian Edmonson.

Thursday, Christmas Eve
The Twitches: Chrissymess written by Roy Apps and read by Nigel Greaves; 101 Dalmations by Dodie Smith, read by Juliet Stevenson; The BFG by Roald Dahl, read by Adrian Edmonson; and Henry’s Cat: A Funny Sort of Christmas written by Stan Hayward and read by Mike Harding.

Friday, Christmas Day
The Boy Who Sprouted Antlers by John Yeoman, read by Miranda Keeling; 101 Dalmations by Dodie Smith, read by Juliet Stevenson; and The BFG by Roald Dahl and read by Adrian Edmonson.

Saturday, Boxing Day
The Boy Who Sprouted Antlers by John Yeoman, read by Miranda Keeling; 101 Dalmations by Dodie Smith, read by Juliet Stevenson; and Just William by Richmal Crompton, read by Martin Jarvis.

Sunday, 27th - Thursday, 31st
Beastly Boris written by Wendy Eyton and read by Richard Briers; a dramatisation of Peter Pan by JM Barrie; and The 13 Days of Christmas by Jenny Overton, read by Ruth Jones.

Friday, New Year’s Day
The Nutcracker and The Mouse King by E.T.A Hoffmann and The 13 Days of Christmas written by Jenny Overton and read by Ruth Jones.

www.bbc.co.uk/bigtoe

BBC 7 Newsletter

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio7/seasons/newsletter_current.shtml

Personal news and random thoughts end up on my Facebook page, here.

This site is slowly coming back to life after a period of hibernation…its been a tough year or so. Lengthy hospitalizations of family and friends, and the death of my dear friend and partner in mayhem, Brian Smith, caused me to prioritize a lot of aspects of my life (still a work in progress) and this little project sadly ended up on the bottom of the pile.

I’m going to try to pick it up where I left off almost exactly a year ago.

Stay tuned.

On January 18th, from 7:00 PM until midnight (EST), CFZM AM740 will broadcast the entire Benny Goodman Concert that was played in New York’s Carnegie Hall on January 16, 1938.

Except for commercial breaks and commentary by Benny Goodman, there will be no other interruptions.

For more on the concert, check:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benny_Goodman#Carnegie_Hall_concert

You can listen directly on the radio, listen via the web site at
http://www.am740.ca/site/lobby.cfm or via the other player at:
http://radiotime.com/station/s_31182/AM_740_740.aspx

Thanks to host George Jonescu for bringing this wonderful show to the air in it’s entirely.

NASB Elects New Board Member at 20th Annual Meeting

May 14, 2008 (Cary, North Carolina, USA) - Bill Damick of Trans World Radio was elected to the board of directors of the National Association of Shortwave Broadcasters (NASB) at its 2008 annual meeting in Cary, North Carolina on May 9. Damick also gave a presentation about shortwave audience research during the event.

The meeting was hosted by Trans World Radio (TWR) at its world headquarters building in Cary, which is a suburb of Raleigh, the capital of North Carolina. This year’s conference was the 20th annual meeting of the NASB, which is a professional association for the nation’s privately-owned shortwave stations.

Opening the meeting in a large auditorium with a giant glass wall looking out into a tranquil North Carolina forest, Trans World Radio CEO Thomas Lowell expressed his view that shortwave broadcasting remains an important delivery method for TWR’s Christian message in many parts of the world. TWR invited representatives of the NASB to speak to staff members about the viability of shortwave radio in today’s world, in the midst of new technologies like satellites and the Internet. The NASB reps explained that there are many countries where Internet access is non-existent or very limited, and many places that cannot be reached by local FM signals.

Again this year, as it has for the past several years, the NASB annual meeting was combined with the annual meeting of the USA DRM Group. The DRM meeting took place on May 8 at the same TWR venue, and featured speakers such as Adil Mina of Continental Electronics, who is chairman of the USA DRM Group and a director of the DRM Consortium. Mina gave an update on the latest developments at the Consortium, and the prospects for new consumer-friendly, inexpensive DRM receivers in the coming months.

The NASB annual meeting had a very North Carolina flair this year. Besides TWR’s participation, the meeting featured a presentation by NASB member Fundamental Broadcasting Network, which operates shortwave stations WTJC and WBOH on the Atlantic coast of North Carolina. An audiovisual program was also offered by the staff of the IBB Greenville, North Carolina transmitter site, from where the Voice of America and Radio Marti are transmitted. Rachel Baughn, the veteran editor of Monitoring Times magazine, which covers shortwave extensively, spoke about her publication and the need for shortwave stations to provide timely information to magazines such as hers which reach the shortwave listening public. Monitoring Times’ headquarters is located in Brasstown, in western North Carolina. Lunches and dinners at the meeting included typical North Carolina fare such as pork barbecue, grit cakes and sweet tea. They were sponsored by NASB members and associate members Media Broadcast, Comet North America, Thomson Broadcast, WMLK and Continental Electronics.

Another session which drew a great deal of response dealt with shortwave radio’s role in crises and disasters, such as tsunamis, hurricanes, earthquakes, etc. Personnel of various stations talked about how they can be most helpful when a disaster occurs. Mike Adams of Far East Broadcasting Company (FEBC) told delegates that he is developing a disaster plan for his stations that can be implemented in the event of sudden need, which other NASB members may want to adopt as well.

A new member and a new associate member were welcomed at this year’s NASB meeting. Jason Cooper and Brady Murray of WWCR in Tennessee gave a brief introduction to their station, and Allan McGuirl of Galcom International in Canada talked about his company’s newest innovations, including a multi-frequency “fix-tuned” shortwave receiver and a low-power FM transmitter that will eventually be adapted for use on AM and shortwave as well.

At the Cary meeting, the NASB decided that its representatives at the upcoming High Frequency Coordination Committee (HFCC) meetings will be Glen Tapley of WEWN in Alabama, who will attend the B08 HFCC Conference in Moscow in August; and Jeff White of WRMI in Miami, who will go to the A09 conference in Tunis, Tunisia in February of next year.

Besides newly-elected board member Bill Damick of TWR, the other NASB board members are Jeff White of WRMI (president), Mike Adams of FEBC (vice president), Glen Tapley of WEWN, Adrian Peterson of Adventist World Radio and Charles Caudill of World Christian Broadcasting, which operates shortwave station KNLS in Alaska. All were present in Cary except Caudill, who was hosting a visit to his headquarters in Nashville, Tennessee by the president of Madagascar, where World Christian Broadcasting is building a new shortwave station. Mike Adams was re-elected to a second three-year board term. Jeff White and Mike Adams were re-elected as president and vice-president, respectively. Dan Elyea of WYFR in Florida was re-elected NASB Secretary-Treasurer, and Thais White of WRMI was re-elected Assistant Secretary Treasurer.

Bill Damick replaced Elder Jacob O. Meyer on the board. Elder Meyer, of WMLK in Pennsylvania, ended two consecutive three-year terms on the NASB Board this year. According to the Association’s bylaws, after two terms, board members must rotate off for at least a year.

The new board decided to investigate the possibility of the NASB commissioning a survey of shortwave listeners in North America, and it talked about methods of publicity that the group can use to make listeners more aware of its member stations and organizations.

At the NASB business meeting in Cary, the members decided the dates and places for the next two annual meetings, which will again be held jointly with the USA DRM Group meetings. The 2009 meetings will be co-hosted by World Christian Broadcasting and WWCR in the Nashville area on May 7 and 8, 2009. The 2010 meetings will take place May 13 and 14 in Hamilton, Ontario, hosted by associate member Galcom International.

Complete audio files of this year’s meetings, as well as video presentations, will soon be available on the NASB’s website, www.shortwave.org.

So this is my little effort to correct that problem and make these songs more relevant to our modern world.

I’m always standing by to help, so here are some suggestions :

Standing on the corner, watching all the girls go by….I was sued for sexual harassment

Don’t Sleep in the Subway…someone might steal your shoes

The Naughty Lady of Shady Lane….has her own website. You can talk to her for 5.99 a minute.

It’s In The Book - available at amazon.com

Torn Between Two Lovers …and its only Tuesday

Someone to Watch Over Me…with a hidden security camera, broadcast on the internet

Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Bluebirds fly…assuming they avoided the bird flu

This OId House…got an extreme makeover

It Only Takes A Minute…unless you get the little blue pill

There Will Never Be Another Ewe…loving sheep is a lifetyle choice

Everybody Loves a Clown…but enough about politicians

Ragmop…tool of choice for many recent University graduates

If Youve Got the Money Honey…you must have a good divorce lawyer

Three Little Fishies…the 2006 catch off the Grand Banks

A White Sport Coat and a Pink Carnation…gets you a good seat during Pride Week

Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me…and maybe even leave me your name…maybe

A Town Without Pity…is pretty common.

Beep Beep, Beep Beep, The Car Went Beep Beep Beep…so I opened fire.

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes…gotta love Summer in Toronto

I’m Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter…and ask myself why I dont take my meds any more

Auto Pilot of the airwaves
Here is my request
You probably wouldn’t play it
You’re recorded like the rest
I used to listen to your shows
On the radio
When you seemed like a friend to me

Or a record of your choice
I wouldn’ t mind , I’d be happy just to hear a voice
Saying this is for the one
Who didn’t sign their name
Yes, I need a dedication just the same

Late at night I’d be listening
Didn’ t waste my time chasing sleep
People’d say I look weary
But that ’s just the company I kept
Ooooh, you made the nighttime race
Ooooh, I didn’t need to see your face
You sounded good (sounded good)
Sounded good to me

Auto Pilot of the airwaves
Here is my last plea
You don’t have to listen
But I hope you like ideas
I would listen to your shows
On the radio
If you seemed like a friend to me

Late at night I’m still listening
Don’ t waste my time chasing sleep
People say I look weary
But that ’s just the company I keep
Ooooh, its the internet, man
Ooooh, mp3s and a satellite plan
They sound so good (sound so good)
Sound so good to me
They sound so good to me

Oh, I’ll never listen to your show on the radio
I’ts the same bland crap to me

(c) Fred Waterer 2006

CRI Reporter: Well, let’s see, we have on the Presidium, Hu is President, Wat’s Prime Minister, Ai-Dun No is finance minister…

VOA Reporter: That’s what I want to find out.

CRI Reporter: I say Hu is President, Wat’s Prime Minister, Ai-Dun No is finance minister.

VOA Reporter: Are you the CRI Reporter?

CRI Reporter: Yes.

VOA Reporter: And you don’t know the fellows’ names?

CRI Reporter: Well I should.

VOA Reporter: Well then who’s President?

CRI Reporter: Yes.

VOA Reporter: I mean the fellow’s name.

CRI Reporter: Hu.

VOA Reporter: The Commander-In-Chief.

CRI Reporter: Hu.

VOA Reporter: The head of government.

CRI Reporter: Hu.

VOA Reporter: The guy running…

CRI Reporter: Hu is President!

VOA Reporter: I’m asking YOU who’s President.

CRI Reporter: That’s the man’s name.

VOA Reporter: That’s who’s name?

CRI Reporter: Yes.

VOA Reporter: Well go ahead and tell me.

CRI Reporter: That’s it.

VOA Reporter: That’s who?

CRI Reporter: Yes.

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: Look, you gotta President?

CRI Reporter: Certainly.

VOA Reporter: Who is it?

CRI Reporter: That’s right.

VOA Reporter: When you pay off the President every month, who gets the money?

CRI Reporter: Every Yuan of it.

VOA Reporter: All I’m trying to find out is the fellow’s name who’s President.

CRI Reporter: Hu.

VOA Reporter: The guy that gets…

CRI Reporter: That’s it.

VOA Reporter: Who gets the money…

CRI Reporter: He does, every Yuan. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

VOA Reporter: Whose wife?

CRI Reporter: Yes.

PAUSE

CRI Reporter: What’s wrong with that?

VOA Reporter: Look, all I wanna know is when the President signs a bill, how does he sign his name?

CRI Reporter: Hu.

VOA Reporter: The guy.

CRI Reporter: Hu.

VOA Reporter: How does he sign…

CRI Reporter: That’s how he signs it.

VOA Reporter: Who?

CRI Reporter: Yes.

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: All I’m trying to find out is what’s the President’s name.

CRI Reporter: No. Wat is the Prime Minister.

VOA Reporter: I’m not asking you who’s Prime Minister.

CRI Reporter: Hu’s President..

VOA Reporter: One politician at a time!

CRI Reporter: Well, don’t change the government around (we frown on that here).

VOA Reporter: I’m not changing nobody!

CRI Reporter: Take it easy, buddy.

VOA Reporter: I’m only asking you, who’s the guy President?

CRI Reporter: That’s right.

VOA Reporter: Ok.

CRI Reporter: All right.

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: What’s the President’s name?

CRI Reporter: No. Wat is Prime Minister.

VOA Reporter: I’m not asking you who’s Prime Minister.

CRI Reporter: Hu’s President..

VOA Reporter: I don’t know.

CRI Reporter: He’s finance minister, we’re not talking about him.

VOA Reporter: Now how did I get to the finance minister?

CRI Reporter: Why you mentioned his name.

VOA Reporter: If I mentioned the finance minister’s name, who did I say it was?

CRI Reporter: No. Hu’s President.

VOA Reporter: What’s President?

CRI Reporter: Wat’s Prime Minister.

VOA Reporter: I don’t know.

CRI Reporter: He’s finance minister.

VOA Reporter: There I go, back on finance!

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: Would you just stay on finance and don’t go off it.

CRI Reporter: All right, what do you want to know?

VOA Reporter: Now who’s finance minister?

CRI Reporter: Why do you insist on saying Hu is finance minister?

VOA Reporter: What am I putting in finance?

CRI Reporter: No. Wat is Prime Minister.

VOA Reporter: You don’t want who as Prime Minister?

CRI Reporter: Hu is President.

VOA Reporter: I don’t know.

CRI Reporter & VOA Reporter: Finance!

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: Look, you gotta parliament?

CRI Reporter: Sure.

VOA Reporter: The Speakers name?

CRI Reporter: Wai.

VOA Reporter: I just thought I’d ask you.

CRI Reporter: Well, I just thought I’d tell ya.

VOA Reporter: Then tell me, who’s the Speaker?

CRI Reporter: Hu’s President.

VOA Reporter: I’m not… stay out of the cabinet! I want to know what’s the Speaker’s name?

CRI Reporter: No, Wat is Prime Minister.

VOA Reporter: I’m not asking you who’s Prime Minister.

CRI Reporter: Hu’s President!

VOA Reporter: I don’t know.

CRI Reporter & VOA Reporter Together: Finance!

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: The Speaker’s name?

CRI Reporter: Wai.

VOA Reporter: Because!

CRI Reporter: Oh, he’s oil minister

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: Look, You gotta trade minister?

CRI Reporter: Sure.

VOA Reporter: His name?

CRI Reporter: Tuh-Mah Roh.

VOA Reporter: You don’t want to tell me today?

CRI Reporter: I’m telling you now.

VOA Reporter: Then go ahead.

CRI Reporter: Tuh-Mah Roh!

VOA Reporter: What time?

CRI Reporter: What time what?

VOA Reporter: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who’s trade minister?

CRI Reporter: Now listen. Hu is not trade minister.

VOA Reporter: I’ll break your arm, you say Hu’s President! I want to know what’s the trade minister’s name?

CRI Reporter: Wat’s Prime Minister.

VOA Reporter: I don’t know.

CRI Reporter & VOA Reporter Together: Finance!

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: Gotta a Defense Minister?

CRI Reporter: Certainly.

VOA Reporter: The Defense Minister’s name?

CRI Reporter: Tu-Deh.

VOA Reporter: Tu-Deh, and Tu-Mah Roh’s trade minister.

CRI Reporter: Now you’ve got it.

VOA Reporter: All we got is a couple of days.

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: You know I’m a veteran journalist too.

CRI Reporter: So they tell me.

VOA Reporter: So I’m interviewing the trade minister. Tu-Mah Roh is fielding the questions but I really want to talk to the President so I talk to who?

CRI Reporter: Now that’s the first thing you’ve said right.

VOA Reporter: I don’t even know what I’m talking about!

PAUSE

CRI Reporter: That’s all you have to do.

VOA Reporter: I talk to who?

CRI Reporter: Yes!

VOA Reporter: Now who’s talking?

CRI Reporter: Naturally.

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: Look, if I interview the President, somebody’s gotta answer. Now who answers?

CRI Reporter: Naturally.

VOA Reporter: Who?

CRI Reporter: Naturally.

VOA Reporter: Naturally?

CRI Reporter: Naturally.

VOA Reporter: So I am interviewing Naturally.

CRI Reporter: No you don’t, you interview Hu.

VOA Reporter: Naturally.

CRI Reporter: That’s different.

VOA Reporter: That’s what I said.

CRI Reporter: You’re not saying it…

VOA Reporter: I talk to Naturally.

CRI Reporter: You talk to Hu.

VOA Reporter: Naturally.

CRI Reporter: That’s it.

VOA Reporter: That’s what I said!

CRI Reporter: You ask me.

VOA Reporter: I talk to who?

CRI Reporter: Naturally.

VOA Reporter: Now you ask me.

CRI Reporter: You talk to Hu?

VOA Reporter: Naturally.

CRI Reporter: That’s it.

VOA Reporter: Same as you! Same as YOU! I talk to who. Whoever it is sends me to talk to the Prime Minister. Who sends me to What. What defers to I Don’t Know. I Don’t Know sends me back to Tomorrow, Another guy sends me to Because. Why? I don’t know! He’s finance minister and I don’t give a darn!

CRI Reporter: What?

VOA Reporter: I said I don’t give a darn!

CRI Reporter: Oh, that’s our labor minister.

]]> http://www.doghousecharlie.com/hus-on-first-heard-at-the-beijing-party-congress/feed/ http://www.doghousecharlie.com/wolfman-jack-on-the-spirit-of-radio/ http://www.doghousecharlie.com/wolfman-jack-on-the-spirit-of-radio/#comments Fri, 28 Sep 2007 10:33:46 +0000 programming_matters Uncategorized http://www.doghousecharlie.com/wolfman-jack-on-the-spirit-of-radio/

Check out his comments about radio, they were years ahead of their time.

Hat tip to Russ Horton for putting me on to this one.

How does someone, an anglophone from central Canada become a Russophile?

Why am I so fascinated with all things Russian?

Perhaps its genetic.

All my life I’ve been interested in Russia, its culture, politics, language…everything. It kept intruding into my consciousness…the Cold War (one of my earliest memories is trying to understand why my baby sitter seemed upset during, what I now realize was, the Cuban Missile Crisis). As I got older I was captivated by things like the space race, mutually assured destruction, Soviet hockey, the Iron Curtain.

I was a vorascious reader. History books, politics, current affairs, the sixties and seventies were dominated by “us” vs “them”. I read about the Prague Spring, Detente, Summitry. There was curiosity. Why do they hate us? Will things ever change? I read accounts of the gulags, dissidents, and other commentaries.

When I was 9 or 10, my dad gave me some coins and banknotes he had had for years. (More on those later). I was fascinated by the strange, indecipherable writing on them. This I learned was Cyrillic…Russian. I was impressed my dad knew what it meant. I longed to be able to decipher them myself.

Why do I think this interest is genetic? So many times since the 1850s, my family has encountered Russia on many levels. Russia and Russians keep intruding on me and my family, for the most part not in a bad way. Here are a few little stories about Waterers, Scotts, and Russia, and how they all became intertwined.

Aunt Helen

My great grandfather’s sister Helen is my first connection to Russia, at least she was.

A few years ago I discovered an earlier connection, a Charles Waterer, killed in action in the Crimean War (against Russia), during the Charge of the Light Brigade. I have no idea if this fellow was a direct ancestor or someone clinging onto a distant branch of the family tree.

Depending on one’s view of such things, he died a martyr’s death in a heroic cavalry charge. Or his life was wasted by blindly following an idiot commander. Take your pick. I’m surprisingly indifferent.

However, it does make me read about, or watch films about The Charge of the Light Brigade, or re-read Tolstoy, with a whole new level of interest. Perhaps…a (possible) ancestor, faced Leo Tolstoy, on the opposite side of a Crimean battlefield.

Or not. Anyway, back to Aunt Helen.

What I know is this. The Waterers, before we began slumming it over here in the colonies, were quite well connected. The home where my great grandfather and grandfather were born, backs onto property owned by the son of Queen Victoria, the Duke of Connaught (later Governor-General of Canada). Family legend states that my great grandfathers wife was a scullery maid, or at least a servant of some description, who he married for love rather than station. The family took a dim view and sent old Alphie over to Canada. I am here as a result. (Now you know who to praise/blame).

Somehow while circulating in these upper class circles, Aunt Helen met, was courted by, and married a “Russian Count”. Who was he? Who knows. The story is known to a number of branches of the family, but details are scant. As far as anyone knows, they married and moved to Russia.

Helen would have been 47 in 1917. I often wonder what became of her. Did she escape the revolution and its reprisals against the aristocracy? Did she die of acute lead poisoning before a firing squad? Was she even in Russia at the time? Are her descendants still in Russia? I may never know. Perhaps no one does.

Neighbours in Saskatchewan

Alphonso Waterer (yes, Alphonso) and 3 of his sons (and later a 4th son and daughter) ended up in Saskatchewan, homesteading. They are in the 1906 census…so obviously they settled sometime before that. From what I’ve heard and read, of the entire family, only one was homesteading material, Alphonso’s son Fred, who I am named after. He bought out the others, and owned the land until 1944.

My grandfather Bert, became a railroad engineer, working his way up from oiler to driving the big transcontinental steam trains. He and his wife Tillie, had 6 children, 4 of whom survived childbirth, including my father, Charles (Charlie) Waterer.

Although they lived in the city (Saskatoon) these were still the days before indoor plumbing and 3-ply bathroom tissue. They had a “one-holer” out in the backyard, and a nail on the wall held pieces of newspaper for cleaning up afterwards.

One day perhaps in the late 20s or early 30s, my father was, umm, using the privy. As he sat he looked at one of the scraps of newspaper, and was startled by an image on it. The photograph was of a Tsarist general during the Russian Revolution. Military bearing. Rows of medals.

But.

The man looked remarkably like his neighbour!

My dad, showed the photograph to his father. The two of them went next door, their neighbours were working in the backyard garden. My grandfather showed them the photograph. The gentleman turned white as a ghost. The wife threw her apron over her head and went in the house wailing.

It turned out that the neighbour was in fact the gentleman in the photograph. Having been on the wrong side of the Revolution, he had fled Russia, where he would have been executed by the communists. he had started a new life under an assumed name in Canada. Obviously to be identified like that was traumatic.

Hearing the story, my grandfather took the newspaper, lit a match and burned it. He then turned to my father and said “Charlie, you must never ever speak of this again, or tell anyone who Mr._____ is.”

And my dad, and his family kept that story within the family for seven decades.

These neighbours, and my dad’s family, became close. They taught my dad some Russian. The finer points of Russian cuisine. Songs of Russia. And some Russian history.

And they gave my dad some of the Russian coins and banknotes I referenced above. Not to mention a fascinating story.

Making His Way Thru the Thirties

Dad, almost from infancy, had a talent for music. My cousins still have an old coffee can, which my dad banged on with a wooden spoon almost before he could walk. His first musical instrument.

He learned a number of instruments, playing them all by ear. He could play guitar, mandolin, harmonica, some drums and the bass. For all I know there were others too. He played every opportunity that came his way. I have a scrapbook full of clippings, of appearances on the radio, talent contests (at which he often won some sort of prize), and he would pretty much play for anyone that offered him money to play for them (and often those who didn’t).

He played for the conservative Premier of Saskatchewan. He played for bootleggers. He played for church groups. And he played for “Ukrainian Cultural groups” and other clubs, affiliated with the Communist Party. In the 1930s there was not quite the stigma associated with communism that would later develop. And his participation was far from ideological, in fact it was downright capitalist.

About the same time my dad was eking out a living in the Depression with his talent, here in Ontario, my mother’s uncle was manning the barricades of anti-communism.

Uncle Larry, had been an ambulance driver in World War One, a brave man adored by his comrades, and a man who was scarred for life during a gas attack. In the 1930s, he had a cottage on Lake Erie. My mother and her brothers would spend summers there, by all accounts they were quite idyllic.

One summer a Communist Youth camp of some sort sprang up on the adjoining property. They started the day by running a Red Flag up the flagpole, and singing the Internationale and other communist songs. Uncle Larry put up with this for a day or two.

Being a true son of the Empire, having fought for King and Country, he erected his own flagpole. When the communist youth would start their morning ritual, Uncle Larry would trot out his neices and nephews and whatever other kids were around, raise the Union Jack, and try to outdo his “rivals” with a loud, rousing version of God Save the King.

Summer 1939

My dad visited St Catharines for a holiday, and never went back. He got a job in a factory, paying the astoundingly huge sum of 29 cents an hour. This was good money and he didn’t dare go home and face his parents after turning such an opportunity down.

That fall, of course, the war broke out. Dad was turned down for service for health reasons, however he was kept busy, becoming a St John’s Ambulance trainee and instructor. And during the war, the factory wher he worked was converted to war work. They made gun carriages, most of which went to…yes you guessed it…Russia.

Uncle Jock

We now move into the 1950s and 1960s. Dad was at the plant for 25 years. Then one day, a big shot from head office in Britain came into the plant to tell the workers there was no truth to the rumours the plant would close. This was 6 weeks before the plant did close. Dad would be out of regular work for almost 3 years, fortunately, I was young enough that I was blissfully ignorant that we were “poor”. In some ways, I think I was the richest kid on the block. But that’s another story.

From an early age I was taught the value of saving. And one of my favourite things to do was go see “Uncle Jock” at the credit union. He was Jock Gray, a scotsman, at that time approaching retirement. Fascinating man. He was a good friend of Dad’s, and took an interest in me.

Jock Gray in an earlier age had been a Navy man…serving in the King’s Navy in World War One and after. Following the war, his ship was sent to Murmansk, Russia, to support the anti-Bolshevik forces in the Russian Civil War. I was too young to appreciate any stories he may have shared, but he did give me some more of those neat Russian coins, which continued to intrigue me.

The 1970s

High School beckoned. I was still reading…or trying to read…books about history, politics…my status as a history geek was already becoming established (trying to read, often these books were above my learning level). I became good friends with my classmate Mark, who had a Mennonite background, partially in Russia. In Grade 10, we found out that a conversational course was being offered at the Collegiate in Russian. We were both intrigued, and decided to take the class.

That first year, there were about 12-15 students, I believe it was a 10 week course (maybe it was 20). I learned the Cyrillic alphabet, and some very basic vocabulary.

The teacher was a lovely woman, Mrs Goncharow. She had recieved a degree fairly late in life from Brock University, and loved teaching both Russian and Spanish. Her classes were special, and over the next few years increased in membership. The same core group stuck with it for four years, and expanded in numbers. The last two years it became a credit course, so my high school transcript lists Grade 12 and 13 credits in Russian. It was a wonderful experience. While I wasn’t fluent I had a basic working knowledge of Russian.
(more to follow)