DoghouseCharlie

After Hu Jintao was acclaimed at the 17th Congress of the Communist Party of China, the following conversation was overheard between a reporter from China Radio International and the Voice of America…

CRI Reporter: Well, let’s see, we have on the Presidium, Hu is President, Wat’s Prime Minister, Ai-Dun No is finance minister…

VOA Reporter: That’s what I want to find out.

CRI Reporter: I say Hu is President, Wat’s Prime Minister, Ai-Dun No is finance minister.

VOA Reporter: Are you the CRI Reporter?

CRI Reporter: Yes.

VOA Reporter: And you don’t know the fellows’ names?

CRI Reporter: Well I should.

VOA Reporter: Well then who’s President?

CRI Reporter: Yes.

VOA Reporter: I mean the fellow’s name.

CRI Reporter: Hu.

VOA Reporter: The Commander-In-Chief.

CRI Reporter: Hu.

VOA Reporter: The head of government.

CRI Reporter: Hu.

VOA Reporter: The guy running…

CRI Reporter: Hu is President!

VOA Reporter: I’m asking YOU who’s President.

CRI Reporter: That’s the man’s name.

VOA Reporter: That’s who’s name?

CRI Reporter: Yes.

VOA Reporter: Well go ahead and tell me.

CRI Reporter: That’s it.

VOA Reporter: That’s who?

CRI Reporter: Yes.

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: Look, you gotta President?

CRI Reporter: Certainly.

VOA Reporter: Who is it?

CRI Reporter: That’s right.

VOA Reporter: When you pay off the President every month, who gets the money?

CRI Reporter: Every Yuan of it.

VOA Reporter: All I’m trying to find out is the fellow’s name who’s President.

CRI Reporter: Hu.

VOA Reporter: The guy that gets…

CRI Reporter: That’s it.

VOA Reporter: Who gets the money…

CRI Reporter: He does, every Yuan. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

VOA Reporter: Whose wife?

CRI Reporter: Yes.

PAUSE

CRI Reporter: What’s wrong with that?

VOA Reporter: Look, all I wanna know is when the President signs a bill, how does he sign his name?

CRI Reporter: Hu.

VOA Reporter: The guy.

CRI Reporter: Hu.

VOA Reporter: How does he sign…

CRI Reporter: That’s how he signs it.

VOA Reporter: Who?

CRI Reporter: Yes.

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: All I’m trying to find out is what’s the President’s name.

CRI Reporter: No. Wat is the Prime Minister.

VOA Reporter: I’m not asking you who’s Prime Minister.

CRI Reporter: Hu’s President..

VOA Reporter: One politician at a time!

CRI Reporter: Well, don’t change the government around (we frown on that here).

VOA Reporter: I’m not changing nobody!

CRI Reporter: Take it easy, buddy.

VOA Reporter: I’m only asking you, who’s the guy President?

CRI Reporter: That’s right.

VOA Reporter: Ok.

CRI Reporter: All right.

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: What’s the President’s name?

CRI Reporter: No. Wat is Prime Minister.

VOA Reporter: I’m not asking you who’s Prime Minister.

CRI Reporter: Hu’s President..

VOA Reporter: I don’t know.

CRI Reporter: He’s finance minister, we’re not talking about him.

VOA Reporter: Now how did I get to the finance minister?

CRI Reporter: Why you mentioned his name.

VOA Reporter: If I mentioned the finance minister’s name, who did I say it was?

CRI Reporter: No. Hu’s President.

VOA Reporter: What’s President?

CRI Reporter: Wat’s Prime Minister.

VOA Reporter: I don’t know.

CRI Reporter: He’s finance minister.

VOA Reporter: There I go, back on finance!

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: Would you just stay on finance and don’t go off it.

CRI Reporter: All right, what do you want to know?

VOA Reporter: Now who’s finance minister?

CRI Reporter: Why do you insist on saying Hu is finance minister?

VOA Reporter: What am I putting in finance?

CRI Reporter: No. Wat is Prime Minister.

VOA Reporter: You don’t want who as Prime Minister?

CRI Reporter: Hu is President.

VOA Reporter: I don’t know.

CRI Reporter & VOA Reporter: Finance!

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: Look, you gotta parliament?

CRI Reporter: Sure.

VOA Reporter: The Speakers name?

CRI Reporter: Wai.

VOA Reporter: I just thought I’d ask you.

CRI Reporter: Well, I just thought I’d tell ya.

VOA Reporter: Then tell me, who’s the Speaker?

CRI Reporter: Hu’s President.

VOA Reporter: I’m not… stay out of the cabinet! I want to know what’s the Speaker’s name?

CRI Reporter: No, Wat is Prime Minister.

VOA Reporter: I’m not asking you who’s Prime Minister.

CRI Reporter: Hu’s President!

VOA Reporter: I don’t know.

CRI Reporter & VOA Reporter Together: Finance!

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: The Speaker’s name?

CRI Reporter: Wai.

VOA Reporter: Because!

CRI Reporter: Oh, he’s oil minister

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: Look, You gotta trade minister?

CRI Reporter: Sure.

VOA Reporter: His name?

CRI Reporter: Tuh-Mah Roh.

VOA Reporter: You don’t want to tell me today?

CRI Reporter: I’m telling you now.

VOA Reporter: Then go ahead.

CRI Reporter: Tuh-Mah Roh!

VOA Reporter: What time?

CRI Reporter: What time what?

VOA Reporter: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who’s trade minister?

CRI Reporter: Now listen. Hu is not trade minister.

VOA Reporter: I’ll break your arm, you say Hu’s President! I want to know what’s the trade minister’s name?

CRI Reporter: Wat’s Prime Minister.

VOA Reporter: I don’t know.

CRI Reporter & VOA Reporter Together: Finance!

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: Gotta a Defense Minister?

CRI Reporter: Certainly.

VOA Reporter: The Defense Minister’s name?

CRI Reporter: Tu-Deh.

VOA Reporter: Tu-Deh, and Tu-Mah Roh’s trade minister.

CRI Reporter: Now you’ve got it.

VOA Reporter: All we got is a couple of days.

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: You know I’m a veteran journalist too.

CRI Reporter: So they tell me.

VOA Reporter: So I’m interviewing the trade minister. Tu-Mah Roh is fielding the questions but I really want to talk to the President so I talk to who?

CRI Reporter: Now that’s the first thing you’ve said right.

VOA Reporter: I don’t even know what I’m talking about!

PAUSE

CRI Reporter: That’s all you have to do.

VOA Reporter: I talk to who?

CRI Reporter: Yes!

VOA Reporter: Now who’s talking?

CRI Reporter: Naturally.

PAUSE

VOA Reporter: Look, if I interview the President, somebody’s gotta answer. Now who answers?

CRI Reporter: Naturally.

VOA Reporter: Who?

CRI Reporter: Naturally.

VOA Reporter: Naturally?

CRI Reporter: Naturally.

VOA Reporter: So I am interviewing Naturally.

CRI Reporter: No you don’t, you interview Hu.

VOA Reporter: Naturally.

CRI Reporter: That’s different.

VOA Reporter: That’s what I said.

CRI Reporter: You’re not saying it…

VOA Reporter: I talk to Naturally.

CRI Reporter: You talk to Hu.

VOA Reporter: Naturally.

CRI Reporter: That’s it.

VOA Reporter: That’s what I said!

CRI Reporter: You ask me.

VOA Reporter: I talk to who?

CRI Reporter: Naturally.

VOA Reporter: Now you ask me.

CRI Reporter: You talk to Hu?

VOA Reporter: Naturally.

CRI Reporter: That’s it.

VOA Reporter: Same as you! Same as YOU! I talk to who. Whoever it is sends me to talk to the Prime Minister. Who sends me to What. What defers to I Don’t Know. I Don’t Know sends me back to Tomorrow, Another guy sends me to Because. Why? I don’t know! He’s finance minister and I don’t give a darn!

CRI Reporter: What?

VOA Reporter: I said I don’t give a darn!

CRI Reporter: Oh, that’s our labor minister.